This is a new piece of spoken word for National Poetry Day (A day late, sorry). It’s called ‘What I’ve Got’ which is grammatically all over the place. I said it really fast so the words are below:
I’ve got this friend. Let’s call her, Kelly. Because that’s her name.
Recently she caught me complaining about my state of existence,
As I stated my indifference to patience and persistence. I don’t really mind waiting but lately it felt like it was taking a lot longer than I’d anticipated
And just as my haste was beginning to grate, Kelly grabbed at my face and said: “Shut up! Its all about who you are. Not about who you’re not.
Don’t talk about what you want. Talk about what you’ve got.”
So I’ve got this poem, that I plan to give to her.
I’ve got reason to believe that my feelings are deceiving
when I breathe a little deeper and I see the real meaning,
I’ve got DVDs of The OC and I mean every single season,
I think it peaks before Season 3 when the plots get too misleading.
I’ve got ends justifying means
I’ve got trends justifying jeans,
I’ve got agenda-less benders with friends in november,
And I’ve got big-spenders justifying these.
I’ve got people online asking when I’m gonna rap and
I’ve got this hair and this skin so that’s never gonna happen.
I’ve got total disdain for the words ‘banter’ and ‘swag’,
And I’ve got neither to offer, so I’m a bit of a drag.
I’ve got low self-esteem and a massive ego,
I’ve got great self-belief but a distracting labido,
I’ve got pretensions of artistry and delusions of grandeur,
I’ve got the truth in my armoury but I’m losing on candour.
I’ve got a history of nights alone and it’s depressing to act surprised
When all I do is stay at home refreshing my at replies.
I’ve got products of my creation
Consequences of my temptation,
Ideas above my station,
A timetable for mastrba-
I’ve got a friend who is Asian,
So whatever I say you can’t say that I’m racist.
And I’m mates with Stephen K Amos.
I’ve got fingers in pies and I’ve got toes in pastries,
I’ve got to scram I’ve just been banned from the bakery.
I’ve got a desire to find out what all people make of me,
Unless it’s not nice in which case, get away from me.
I’ve got something to say to all of you who don’t rate me,
and a message for my haters: Hey, don’t hate me.
But your forsaking is my making, so I’ll delay
no more, the haters made me what I am today:Insecure.
I’ve got one kidney less than you if you’ve got two kidneys,
So if you see me in hospital, you know what to give me.
I’ve got a face reminiscent of Nicholas Hoult,
So I’ve got an excuse for not making it when I’m bitter and old.
I’ve got a lot left to learn once I locate where the lesson is,
I’ve got 99 problems and one is outdated references.
I’ve got to stop taking advice from this maad city crimial,
I’ve got a swimming pool for of liquor and it’s frankly unswimmable.
I’ve got a politics degree that took me three years of reading and
thousands of pounds and now I’m a stand-up comedian.
I’ve got a watch that I got when I started comedy shows,
I’ve got to meet Kelly at seven, I should probably go.
Special thanks to Princess Productions.