The Onion
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The Onion: Iraqi Law Requires Waiting Period For Suicide Vests
Panelists discuss whether stringent new suicide-vest laws would make sure only responsible people blow themselves up.
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The Onion: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys
Repeatedly stabbing monkeys with sharpened objects may have an adverse effect on their health, according to a new study.
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The Onion: Female Scientists Say Domestic Abuse Not Problem
According to a team of female researchers who all recently sustained injuries due to various accidents, domestic abuse does not exist.
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The Onion: ‘9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous’ - Al Qaeda
An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda.
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The Onion: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash
Breaking News, officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart.
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The Onion: Device Prevents Nick Nolte From Driving
The Department Of Transportation unveiled a new mandatory safety system designed to protect American drivers by keeping Nick Nolte off the road.
