The Onion
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The Onion: Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of ‘Friendster’ Civilization
Researchers conducting the Friendster excavation say the site has been deserted since the year 2005 A.D.
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The Onion: Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids
‘E-Mom’ Gloria Bianco shows Jim and Tracy how geographical distance is no longer a roadblock to shamelessly interfering with the lives of your children.
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The Onion: White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase
White House officials admit Obama’s extreme confidence and total euphoria over “hope” and “change” were symptoms of a prolonged manic episode.
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Advocacy Group Decries PETA’s Inhumane Treatment Of Women
Women Deserve Better says PETA abuses defenseless, simple-minded women by forcing them to remove their clothing and participate in humiliating…
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The Onion: Human Rights Group Campaigns To End Use Of Child …
Jim and Tracy learn that in nations like Sierra Leone children as young as 12 are forced to smile, wave, and shake hands until they drop from exhaustion.
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The Onion: New BabySafe Ball Makes Shaking Your Infant Guilt And Injury Free
Designed with the frustrated, sleep-deprived parent in mind, the BabySafe Ball can withstand shaking, stabbing, and claims you wish it had never been born.
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The Onion: Beyonce Unhurt After Stray Bullet Hits Passerby
Tragedy was narrowly averted when a stray bullet bound for singer Beyonce thankfully struck and became lodged in a passerby.
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The Onion: World’s Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100
Nothing can stop Carl Wainwright from doing what he loves best — performing surgery on the human brain.
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The Onion: Fat Kid Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt
Today Now! brings you the inspiring story of Brian Peete, a fat boy who hid his obesity from other children at the pool by keeping his shirt on.
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The Onion: Online Dating Streamlines Rejection For Women
Websites like Match.com allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mouse.
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The Onion: ‘Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat’
Gen. McBrayer discusses how valuable homosexuals are, and why we must never put their lives at risk by allowing them in the military.
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TheOnion: Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
The MacBook Wheel lets consumers accomplish everyday tasks like typing with just a few dozen spins and clicks of a wheel.
